Death Wish

I've never thought very highly of death

It's so permanent and uncertain.

But I find myself thinking of it more and more often

I fantasize about how my blood would feel slipping out of my veins

Across my pale, scarred skin.

About how my vision would pulse in and out with my ever fading heartbeat

How I might finally feel relief,

How I might feel worse,

How I might not feel anything at all.

And all of those possibilities terrify me, yet I can't help but romanticize it.

I want to experience a moment where I'm consumed by only one thought.

One moment that is purely about me and how I feel.

Not about tomorrow's problems,

Not someone else and their feelings.
Just me and whatever death holds...