All the Things

"I'm here."
"Talk to me."
"I care what happens."
"I want to help you."

All the things I needed to hear
All the things you told me
All the things you lied about
All the things that left me in tears.

Don't coddle me
Don't pity me
I don't care
Just cuddle up and hold me.

And the Mask Comes Off...

Shoulders trembling
From the sobs that wrack my body.
Tears slip from my cheeks,
Only to fall on the blade that
Shreds my skin.

I used to be able to pretend,

That everything was okay,

but lately, I just can't. 

I can't take it anymore.

The facade has finally shattered.

And despite that,

You still ignore 

What's right in front of you.

You continue to let me suffer,

In silence eternal.

"It's getting worse and I'm just so broken. 

I'm completely submerged, with no sense of direction. 

No idea how to keep my head above the water."

Wishful Thinking

Make a wish!

I wish I felt normal.

Now blow out the candles.

And let the darkness consume me? Gladly.

Destruction

This is an older piece that I wrote back in 2011, but I revised it a little. This is the result.

Everything is falling,

Crashing,

Breaking.

From riches to ruins in a matter of seconds.

No force can stop it.

And then,

 When all seems lost, a miracle.

A patch in the deck of a sinking ship.

A gulp of air for strangled lungs.
A spark to ignite the fire.
It seems things are looking up.
Suddenly however, it stops.

The goodness is gone, destroyed.
It was all a sickeningly sweet nightmare. 

All hope of salvation is lost.
Simply ripped away.

Ripped from the clutches of the desperate and begging. 

And everything is falling, 

Crashing, 

Breaking...

Thicker Than Water

Turned backs and broken bonds.

Lies and deceit with the intent to harm.

Empty threats and cruel words

Spoken, not in moments of anger,

But in the calmness of rationality.

They say blood runs thicker than water,

But it seems you don't know what that means.

One thing I know for sure is that you will.

Soon.

Until then, we shall go our separate ways.

Silly Me

It's all just fine, right?

Well that must be a lie.

A simple, "Hey," at first sight,

And now we're saying our final goodbyes.

She claims you for the night

And I'm left to chance, like a roll of the die

Until morrow's light.

Pretty Red Lines

Those pretty red lines didn't just appear

 They were put there intentionally

 On my worst days, in my darkest moments

I don't expect you to understand

 And I would be foolish to hope you could

 After all, that hope is what got me here in the first place.

Brighter Days

The world won't wait for us

We can't expect that 

We shouldn't want that

We have to be strong

Pick ourselves up and brush it off

Even on our worst days

Why?

Because we're strong

Because we have come through so much

We carry proof on our bodies

In our minds

On our hearts

Our past plagues us everyday

But it's the past

Done and gone, but still a part

Let's move forward to brighter days

Where we can keep up

Where we can finally get ahead.

Scars

They say that the marks we leave on the world are too often scars, but I think that's a good thing. The world has scarred me in so many ways. And those scars will never fade. They can never be forgotten, so I want my mark to be a scar. I want my vengeance.

Tonight

Tonight I saw through the facade.

I saw your pain.

Your struggling.

I couldn't just walk away.

I could never put anyone through that, because I know how it feels.

It only makes things worse.

"What's wrong? 

Why are you so down on yourself?

Don't try to tell me it's nothing. 

I know you better than that."

 You opened up to me.

Something you've never done before.

You told me that you couldn't do it anymore.

That you couldn't stand yourself.

That you thought about ending it all.

And here's what I told you:

"Look, I get it.

I understand how it feels to hate yourself and to never feel good enough.

I know how it feels to constantly wonder if death would be better than living everyday feeling like shit for one reason or another and it sucks.

I know how it feels to always feel alone and like nobody cares about you. 

I also know that you are not a burden on anyone.

And yeah, you might make mistakes, but everyone does and it's okay.

You are one of the brightest and most caring people I know.

You can brighten an entire room just by walking in and it would be a true tragedy if you weren't around anymore.

There are so many people who care about you and love you and who would be devastated to lose you.

I know because I know I would be. 

Please don't let this rough spot stop you from going on and whatever you do, don't forget that you are truly loved."

 Don't give up.

Keep fighting.

One day it's going to get better.

I promise.

Until then, I'm here for you, I promise.

I love you.

More than you'll ever know...

 AC,

If you're reading this, I mean it. I love you. I want to tell you every day, every minute, every second how wonderful you are and that I believe in you, even when you don't believe in yourself. I know it isn't ideal, but I hope this proves it just a little more. We don't have the perfect relationship and I doubt we ever will, but we have this and that's enough for me. I've got your back, always. Remember our promise? 

We both know why...

Yours Truly,

Me 

Today Was The Day

Today was the day 

I finally put the blade down

I stopped halfway through a cut, and put it down.

Not because I wanted to

Not because I didn't feel like I needed to

Not because I felt all better

But because I couldn't feel it anymore.

I have become numb

Numb to the one thing that can always make me feel better

Numb to the one thing that gave me control

Numb to the numbness

Today was the day 

I finally put the blade down

I stopped halfway through a cut, and put it down...