Society's Views

Final Assignment

Class: Life

Audience: Society

Scars

An Original Piece 

Muse .................................................................................................................................Pain

Medium ...............................................................................................................................Metal

Colors ............................................................................................Red and Copper

Canvas .............................................................................................................................Broken

Results .............................................................................................................................Relief

Comments:  Not good enough, never will be.
Final Grade: FAILURE

It's Kind of Like Math

Spread legs doesn't always equal love.

You're Not The One For Me

I am finally over you. I don't feel like breaking every time I look at you. I only regret having spent so much of my time pining over someone who couldn't have cared less about me. It's funny, I never expected this moment to come, but now that it has I'll never go back.

Oh, and fuck you. 

3 AM

Have you ever walked down the street at nightAnd noticed the way the streetlights don't fully illuminate things?
It's just a small space between each patch of light,
But that moment of darkness is enough to make you a little wary;
Causes you to feel the slightest bit insecure about your surroundings.
You know it's all going to be okay, but in that moment
There's the slightest bit of doubt.
Well that's exactly how I feel right now.

Change For You

It’s scary how much of myself I’d be willing to change for you. 

But it’s truly terrifying to know that you most likely wouldn’t notice

That's What You Think

You think I'm getting bad again.
I never got better.

Simple As That

It's not that I don't want you to fuck my brains out; trust me I do. It's simply a matter of when and where.

Yes or No?

Love:
Do you accept the terms and conditions?
[X] Yes
[] No













...had I known what love entailed, I never would have accepted the terms and conditions...

Venting

As night approaches, so does my anxiety. You see, when the excitement of the day dies down and I am left alone with my thoughts, things get complicated, scary even.

I feel like I'm going to explode. The constant urge...desire...need, to scream rises and I get restless. I can't explain how it feels, not really. And I don't know what exactly is causing it. My life is by no means bad. Difficult? Sure, but whose isn't?

I just don't know what to do because I feel like it's getting worse by the day and I'm scared to ask for help. Afraid of what they'll say and the judgements that will be passed. I'm worried that everything is going to change if I let someone in. I'm terrified, that if I do say something, if I do get help, that there won't be any problem. Maybe it's just me, overreacting or creating... Fuck. Does that even make sense? I'm scared of losing the few people I have due to whatever issues I may have. Issues that if I could fix and control I would.

It's just hard, I guess. Staying strong is hard, and sometimes painful, but I do, because I cling to the hope that things are going to get better, no matter how bad they appear to be right now.
=======================================================================
My mind is just about bursting at the seams and that inescapable urge to scream and the unsettling thoughts that I failed to mention, have followed me into the sunlight. I'm not doing well and I'm actually considering asking for help. Even if things do change. I just can't stand being plagued by my own mind anymore.

Outwardly, everything appears to be fine. I've even managed to fool myself on the rare occasion that my mind is quiet, but I'm a mess on the inside. I don't know how to clean it up and I can't say I think it would be fair to drag someone else into it, throwing them into drama unnecessarily.
And so here I stand; at a crossroad between my mental health and others.

Fuck!

Superpowers

As a kid I always thought it would be cool to have superpowers.
And the one I always wished for was invisibility.
I just thought it would be fun.

But then I grew up and forgot all about them.

Life started getting harder and harder and recently it seems impossible.

I keep asking for help,

Crying out for it really,

And yet no one seems to hear me.

Maybe I really am invisible.

And maybe it's not as fun as I thought.

The Lucky Ones

We rise and fall,
Live and learn,
And, if we're lucky, we love.
You see, the fortunate few give us all hope;
Hope that true love awaits us all.
And I'm sure that it does.
The question is will we find it in our lifetime,
Or will we walk through this cruel world alone;
Rising and falling,
Living and learning,
But never loving?

Lungs Shut Tight

I feel the air escaping my lungs

I feel them squeezing tight

I feel like breathing has become nearly impossible

I'm scared; I don't want to go this way

I want to fight it

I just don't know how

Wanna See?

The truth will set you free, huh?

I told the truth, except, I lost everything I valued.

I lost you, your trust, your love...

I'm sorry.

I know you probably hate me.

It's okay, because I hate me too.

I have the scars to prove it.

Wanna see?

It's All Wrong

They say the key to any relationship is give and take.
Well, I'm giving.
You're taking.
Nothing is working.
We aren't doing this right.

Could It Be Fate?

Sky has finally broken and
Tears fall from her cloudy, gray eyes
Thunder claps his enormous hands
In a booming celebration
And Lightning lashes out
Striking anything he can

But why

For us

You see, Sky cries

For the time we've wasted

Thunder claps for he knows what we can be

 And it's beautiful

And Lightning, well, he's angry

 Because we've chosen to ignore our opportunities

 The universe wants us together

And maybe we want that too

But maybe we're scared of the what ifs

Or maybe it's the fear of losing one another

But I think,

Despite our fears,

We need to cheer up Sky

Calm Lightning

And thank Thunder

Most of all,

we need to try

Because who are we to go against fate

?

Careful

At this point I think careful only applies to sex because my heart has been thrown into the ring and it’s losing...

All the Things

"I'm here."
"Talk to me."
"I care what happens."
"I want to help you."

All the things I needed to hear
All the things you told me
All the things you lied about
All the things that left me in tears.

Don't coddle me
Don't pity me
I don't care
Just cuddle up and hold me.

And the Mask Comes Off...

Shoulders trembling
From the sobs that wrack my body.
Tears slip from my cheeks,
Only to fall on the blade that
Shreds my skin.

I used to be able to pretend,

That everything was okay,

but lately, I just can't. 

I can't take it anymore.

The facade has finally shattered.

And despite that,

You still ignore 

What's right in front of you.

You continue to let me suffer,

In silence eternal.

"It's getting worse and I'm just so broken. 

I'm completely submerged, with no sense of direction. 

No idea how to keep my head above the water."

Wishful Thinking

Make a wish!

I wish I felt normal.

Now blow out the candles.

And let the darkness consume me? Gladly.

Destruction

This is an older piece that I wrote back in 2011, but I revised it a little. This is the result.

Everything is falling,

Crashing,

Breaking.

From riches to ruins in a matter of seconds.

No force can stop it.

And then,

 When all seems lost, a miracle.

A patch in the deck of a sinking ship.

A gulp of air for strangled lungs.
A spark to ignite the fire.
It seems things are looking up.
Suddenly however, it stops.

The goodness is gone, destroyed.
It was all a sickeningly sweet nightmare. 

All hope of salvation is lost.
Simply ripped away.

Ripped from the clutches of the desperate and begging. 

And everything is falling, 

Crashing, 

Breaking...

Thicker Than Water

Turned backs and broken bonds.

Lies and deceit with the intent to harm.

Empty threats and cruel words

Spoken, not in moments of anger,

But in the calmness of rationality.

They say blood runs thicker than water,

But it seems you don't know what that means.

One thing I know for sure is that you will.

Soon.

Until then, we shall go our separate ways.

Silly Me

It's all just fine, right?

Well that must be a lie.

A simple, "Hey," at first sight,

And now we're saying our final goodbyes.

She claims you for the night

And I'm left to chance, like a roll of the die

Until morrow's light.

Pretty Red Lines

Those pretty red lines didn't just appear

 They were put there intentionally

 On my worst days, in my darkest moments

I don't expect you to understand

 And I would be foolish to hope you could

 After all, that hope is what got me here in the first place.

Brighter Days

The world won't wait for us

We can't expect that 

We shouldn't want that

We have to be strong

Pick ourselves up and brush it off

Even on our worst days

Why?

Because we're strong

Because we have come through so much

We carry proof on our bodies

In our minds

On our hearts

Our past plagues us everyday

But it's the past

Done and gone, but still a part

Let's move forward to brighter days

Where we can keep up

Where we can finally get ahead.

Scars

They say that the marks we leave on the world are too often scars, but I think that's a good thing. The world has scarred me in so many ways. And those scars will never fade. They can never be forgotten, so I want my mark to be a scar. I want my vengeance.

Tonight

Tonight I saw through the facade.

I saw your pain.

Your struggling.

I couldn't just walk away.

I could never put anyone through that, because I know how it feels.

It only makes things worse.

"What's wrong? 

Why are you so down on yourself?

Don't try to tell me it's nothing. 

I know you better than that."

 You opened up to me.

Something you've never done before.

You told me that you couldn't do it anymore.

That you couldn't stand yourself.

That you thought about ending it all.

And here's what I told you:

"Look, I get it.

I understand how it feels to hate yourself and to never feel good enough.

I know how it feels to constantly wonder if death would be better than living everyday feeling like shit for one reason or another and it sucks.

I know how it feels to always feel alone and like nobody cares about you. 

I also know that you are not a burden on anyone.

And yeah, you might make mistakes, but everyone does and it's okay.

You are one of the brightest and most caring people I know.

You can brighten an entire room just by walking in and it would be a true tragedy if you weren't around anymore.

There are so many people who care about you and love you and who would be devastated to lose you.

I know because I know I would be. 

Please don't let this rough spot stop you from going on and whatever you do, don't forget that you are truly loved."

 Don't give up.

Keep fighting.

One day it's going to get better.

I promise.

Until then, I'm here for you, I promise.

I love you.

More than you'll ever know...

 AC,

If you're reading this, I mean it. I love you. I want to tell you every day, every minute, every second how wonderful you are and that I believe in you, even when you don't believe in yourself. I know it isn't ideal, but I hope this proves it just a little more. We don't have the perfect relationship and I doubt we ever will, but we have this and that's enough for me. I've got your back, always. Remember our promise? 

We both know why...

Yours Truly,

Me 

Today Was The Day

Today was the day 

I finally put the blade down

I stopped halfway through a cut, and put it down.

Not because I wanted to

Not because I didn't feel like I needed to

Not because I felt all better

But because I couldn't feel it anymore.

I have become numb

Numb to the one thing that can always make me feel better

Numb to the one thing that gave me control

Numb to the numbness

Today was the day 

I finally put the blade down

I stopped halfway through a cut, and put it down...

One Day

One day you'll understand what I meant during all those late night conversations.

One day you'll feel the same emotions I did.

One day you'll realize how much you meant to me.

One day you'll regret treating me the way you did.

One day you'll ask for forgiveness.

One day you'll try to make us work.

But, hopefully, one day I'll have moved on.

You're Not Allowed

You aren't allowed to walk away. 

You can't just leave me and give up. 

It isn't fair, I am doing my damn best to make things work 

And you turned your back on me and told me you were done with me.

You gave up on me over something so stupid and trivial...

 I'm scared of how you'll treat me when you finally know my biggest secrets.

 I don't want to live in fear of accidentally saying something that you won't approve of.

You said that you were just done with both of your kids right now,

But the only part we heard- the only part that matters-

Is that you're done with us.

 I don't doubt you love us, but you don't always show it,

Or at least have a funny way of showing it.

My brother walked away.

Dad didn't intervene.

You walked away.

And here I am.

Surrounded and yet alone, with only one way to escape.

I go to my room, lock the door, and pick up my blade.

I drag the blade along my skin,

Watching as my skin splits apart and blood bubbles to the surface.

The pain brings me back.

Reminds me that it'll all be okay.

I only have one more year until I can walk away

One year until I can be done

One year until I can walk away and you aren't allowed to say anything.

I love you, but this isn't working anymore and something needs to change.