You're Not The One For Me

I am finally over you. I don't feel like breaking every time I look at you. I only regret having spent so much of my time pining over someone who couldn't have cared less about me. It's funny, I never expected this moment to come, but now that it has I'll never go back.

Oh, and fuck you. 

3 AM

Have you ever walked down the street at nightAnd noticed the way the streetlights don't fully illuminate things?
It's just a small space between each patch of light,
But that moment of darkness is enough to make you a little wary;
Causes you to feel the slightest bit insecure about your surroundings.
You know it's all going to be okay, but in that moment
There's the slightest bit of doubt.
Well that's exactly how I feel right now.

Change For You

It’s scary how much of myself I’d be willing to change for you. 

But it’s truly terrifying to know that you most likely wouldn’t notice

That's What You Think

You think I'm getting bad again.
I never got better.

Simple As That

It's not that I don't want you to fuck my brains out; trust me I do. It's simply a matter of when and where.

Yes or No?

Love:
Do you accept the terms and conditions?
[X] Yes
[] No













...had I known what love entailed, I never would have accepted the terms and conditions...

Venting

As night approaches, so does my anxiety. You see, when the excitement of the day dies down and I am left alone with my thoughts, things get complicated, scary even.

I feel like I'm going to explode. The constant urge...desire...need, to scream rises and I get restless. I can't explain how it feels, not really. And I don't know what exactly is causing it. My life is by no means bad. Difficult? Sure, but whose isn't?

I just don't know what to do because I feel like it's getting worse by the day and I'm scared to ask for help. Afraid of what they'll say and the judgements that will be passed. I'm worried that everything is going to change if I let someone in. I'm terrified, that if I do say something, if I do get help, that there won't be any problem. Maybe it's just me, overreacting or creating... Fuck. Does that even make sense? I'm scared of losing the few people I have due to whatever issues I may have. Issues that if I could fix and control I would.

It's just hard, I guess. Staying strong is hard, and sometimes painful, but I do, because I cling to the hope that things are going to get better, no matter how bad they appear to be right now.
=======================================================================
My mind is just about bursting at the seams and that inescapable urge to scream and the unsettling thoughts that I failed to mention, have followed me into the sunlight. I'm not doing well and I'm actually considering asking for help. Even if things do change. I just can't stand being plagued by my own mind anymore.

Outwardly, everything appears to be fine. I've even managed to fool myself on the rare occasion that my mind is quiet, but I'm a mess on the inside. I don't know how to clean it up and I can't say I think it would be fair to drag someone else into it, throwing them into drama unnecessarily.
And so here I stand; at a crossroad between my mental health and others.

Fuck!